Me: I'm a little bummed. I had this plan to ask Mr. X out for a drink after work and now he's not here today. CRAP!
Donkey Boy: Sorry Mr. X isn't there today. There's always next Friday!!
Me: Yes, there is always next Friday for asking Mr. X out. But I want to get to him before he forgets how sexy, charming and vivacious I was on my birthday. Maybe I'll wear that shirt to work next Friday (with a camisole this time, don't need to show the breastage to ALL my co-workers) to jog his memory.
DB: Why don't you just eliminate all pretense and just show up to work next Friday in a negligee?
Me: I can't wear a negligee to work next Friday. I'd be too cold! I'll have to put on a trenchcoat over it or something. But wouldn't a negligee be too subtle? Maybe I could just show up naked, spread-eagle myself on the conference room table and purr, "Take me, Mr. X."
DB: Actually, the spread-eagle approach might be the best way to find out what's what with this Mr. X guy, ya know? No gray areas.
Me: That's true. Subtlety is lost on most men. Of course, my psyche would never recover if he looked at me on the conference table, scrunched up his nose and said, "Uh...no, thanks"
Not that I'm actually considering this...
DB: The "Um, no thanks" would make it awkward at work, assuming he doesn't actually bring you up on sexual-harassment charges. Call ... the ... police.
Me: It probably wouldn't be good corporate policy for the HR Manager to do this. I could cover by saying it was a demonstration on what not to do to coworkers. Sort of sexual harassment aversion training.
DB: Good idea. Be sure to fire off an email to me stating that you are about to perform training on how not to behave. That way, I can be a witness for your defense in court.